Life Lessons: Beautiful

Although it was over 15 years ago, the emotions and feelings come flooding back like it all was happening yesterday. I vividly remember my questions, my sadness, my insecurities, and also my quiet confidence, my peace, my hope. As all of my friends were dating someone, I never was. As they all were shopping for homecoming dresses, cute shoes, prom dresses, a birthday gift for their boyfriend, I was at home. While they discussed where they would go to dinner, what they would do after prom was over, who's house was holding the breakfast on the morning after prom, I listened. I listened, pondered, questioned and hoped some more.

They would meet for dates, go see movies with their boyfriends, hold hands while we all went to a concert or to dinner and I would walk alone. They would share inside jokes, talk about their problems, meet between classes to share notes with their boyfriend and I would watch. They would receive flowers, share Valentine's Day together, and always had a date on New Year's Eve. I didn't.

It became very easy for me to question myself. What was it about me that was not attractive to the guys in high school? I was shy, awkward, introverted at times and quiet. I was mature beyond my years in some aspects and immature in others. I didn't have the cutest clothes, didn't wear much make-up, wasn't a cheerleader or on the dance team. I wasn't a flirt, was very reserved, and was perceived to be a little on the snobby side. I could look at myself in the mirror and come up with hundreds of reasons why I wasn't worthy of a boyfriend. And I believed it. I always hoped that someone would see what I couldn't see at that time. The good things. The things that were attractive, that were worth liking. I hoped that I would hold hands with someone at a concert one day, that I would be able to share Valentine's Day with a guy, buy him a birthday gift, shop for prom dresses. But for some reason, that just wasn't meant to be for me at that time in my life.

Looking back, maybe God was protecting me from something. Or maybe he was just giving me insight on what was important, what is important. Whether I had a boyfriend in high school or not didn't matter. If I went to homecoming, prom, or on a date one Friday night after a football game, it didn't matter. Those things don't define me as a person now and they didn't define me then. After all, what other people thought of me, what other guys thought of me did not define my self worth. I was and am only defined by the person God created me to be. I am created in His image. In His eyes, I am everything He desired me to be because He created me that way.

I want you to know and to believe with your whole heart that you are absolutely beautiful inside and out. You are everything God desired you to be. He doesn't make mistakes. If you have one best friend or ten, a boyfriend in high school or no boyfriend, if you go to prom or not, celebrate Valentine's Day with a boyfriend or with your best friend, if you get married or not, these things do not define you. Whether God calls you to be single or married, He will use you in mighty ways.

I believe so many people who are single and never marry believe that there is something wrong with them just as I believed about myself in high school. The truth is that they could not be more wrong. I could not have been more wrong. God had other plans and he used me in other peoples' lives during the times that I could have been dating. He called me to do something better, more fulfilling while preparing me for a life that I wouldn't trade for anything. I gained more life experience in high school and was more blessed by doing things most teenagers would never desire to do. And I don't have any regrets looking back. If God calls you to be single, I hope you will feel the same way. I hope that you will be used in mighty ways, and see yourself as the person God created you to be. See yourself through His eyes and believe those things with a full heart. Friends don't define you, boyfriends don't define you, marital status doesn't define you. Single or married, you are absolutely everything I hoped for. You are absolutely everything God hoped for. You are made in His image and He defines you. Look to Him for security, for self worth, for guidance and stand firm on all that He sees in you.

Thank you girls for teaching me. I hope to be able to write you more letters, more experiences, more lessons that I have learned. However, if I never say another thing, you will be fine. I know this for sure. God has you. He holds you in His hand and He has you. He loves you more than I ever could, and I believe with everything in me that you will be completely fine. However, I love sharing with you about you, about me, just as much as I love thinking about all the ways God will bless you in your future.

I love you!
Mommy