Life Lessons: Friendships

It was my eighth grade year. I was tall, skinny, had grown 4 inches within the year, had permed hair that was fried to the scalp, and I was lonely. My best friend had just moved 4 hours away, and I felt like I was starting over in the friendship category. The friends that I had growing up through elementary school had, for the most part, headed down a path that I was not willing to take. There were talks of boyfriends, and smoking, and drinking and such. There were words spoken that I had been taught not to say. There were decisions made that I was not comfortable with. I knew that I didn't belong in that group anymore. The other group of friends that I had just met at church were a year younger than me. Sure, we were attending the same school, but I felt like we were living in different worlds as the two grades never intertwined. I saw those friends when I attended youth group, and on the weekends when we would get together, but hardly even knew they existed while at school.

I remember vividly sitting in Mrs. McClain's science class. I began to feel something in my hair. A strange sensation and one I knew wasn't right. I turned around and realized that the girl behind me, who I would have loved to be friends with at the time, was throwing little pieces of paper in my hair. It was a harmless act really, but one that devastated me in the process. It was mean, and she thought it was funny. She was best friends then with my best friend growing up. She had the cutest clothes, shoes to match every outfit, the perfect hair. She was cute, spunky, and fun loving. And she always was writing notes to all of her friends as she sat behind me, especially her best friend. I despised science class. I felt very alone in every class, but I felt especially alone in that one. I wanted to have a friend who would write me notes, who would call me her best friend, who would talk to me and laugh out of love instead of out of bullying. For some reason, sitting in front of her consistently slapped my new reality in my face on a daily basis, and I dreaded it.

In time, I would meet new friends. I would be introduced to people who I still call friends today. However, at that time, I felt like I would never get there. I felt like I would never fit in. I wasn't pretty enough, funny enough, popular enough, athletic enough, and I certainly didn't have the wardrobe that I needed to be liked. At the time, I remember looking out the windows of the library feeling envious for the cars that drove by. I just wanted freedom from what I was living on a daily basis.

I hope that each of you always has friends that you love and that love you too. I hope that you have someone that you can call on if you ever need them. However, as I look back at my eighth grade year, I realize what a HUGE year that was for me. It was literally a fork in the road of my life. I could have just as easily headed down a path of destruction with my former friends as sit there alone. I could have taken off to the woods when a friend came and asked me to join her there in order to smoke. It was so hard to say no, because I knew if I did, I would be saying no to friendships as well. I wanted friendships so badly, but I wasn't willing to be someone that I wasn't to have them. I didn't want to settle to be liked.

It was probably the hardest year of my life. I was miserable, and I never looked forward to going to school. School meant rejection. School meant getting picked on. School meant sitting alone in the gym waiting on the bell to ring. However, it was one of the most important years of my life. It was the year that I really began to understand who Jesus was. I began to cling to Him during my loneliness instead of other people. It was the year that I gained the strength to stand up for myself, for what I believed in, and for what God had created me to be. My relationship with Him grew that year in ways that it never had before. I began to understand that life wasn't about being popular, or being the prettiest, or having the cutest clothes. There was so much more to it than that.

As your Mommy, I hope that you never feel as alone as I did during that time. I hope that you always have friends who stand by your side and share the same values that you do. I hope that you can find friends who love you for who you are, who encourage you to be the person God intended you to be, and support you in your faith. But, if for some reason, you find yourself sitting in the gym alone waiting on the bell to ring, I hope you know that you are beautiful. You are loved. You are cherished. You are the King of King's daughter, and you, sweet girl, are His masterpiece. Stand strong for what you believe in. You will look back and realize it was the best decision you could have made. Don't settle for something that will only end up being temporary. Don't settle for something that will possibly be destructive. You are worth way more than that.

Thank you girls for teaching me. I hope to be able to write you more letters, more experiences, more lessons that I have learned. However, if I never say another thing, you will be fine. I know this for sure. God has you. He holds you in His hand and He has you. He loves you more than I ever could, and I believe with everything in me that you will be completely fine. However, I love sharing with you about you, about me, just as much as I love seeing how God used one of the loneliest times in my life to develop a deep, very real, life-changing relationship with Him.

Life Lessons: Christmas

We are four days away from Christmas, and you girls are SO excited! You have been asking your Daddy and I how many days until Christmas since Thanksgiving Day. This year has been so much fun as you, Lainie and Emmie, are really starting to understand what Christmas is all about. Emmie asks, "Mommy, how many more days until we can open presents?" You are so excited to find Eli the elf every morning, to discuss the gifts that you want from Santa Claus, to decorate the Christmas tree, to go see Christmas lights, to make Christmas cookies, and the list goes on and on. Everything is so magical as I watch through your eyes. You have truly brought so much joy this season, and I am so thankful for that blessing.

As much fun as it is to see your excitement for all of those special things, I hope that in time you will understand the true meaning of Christmas. There will come a day when you realize that Santa Claus isn't real, but I hope that you understand the spirit of Christmas is real. I hope you understand the reason we celebrate Christmas, and the spirit of giving that Santa Claus represents is a very real thing.

Santa Claus may not be real, but the fact that God sent His son to this earth for you is very real. "For God so loved the world that He "gave" His only begotten Son".....Christmas started with giving. God gave His Son. I hope you girls see how important you are in God's eyes. I also hope you understand how meaningful the spirit of giving can be. During the Christmas season, it is so easy to focus on the hustle and bustle of the holiday, the Christmas parties, the decorations, the material things that are on the wish lists of loved ones. It is so easy to focus on the things that really aren't important. I hope that in the midst of all of the Christmas chaos that can surround you, that you stop and remember the reason you are celebrating. God gave His son for you....may you understand the love in that, the spirit of giving in that, and may you focus on the things that are important during the season.

When people think of giving, the majority of things that come to mind are material things. Giving gifts, giving money. However, you may not always be in a position to give those things. When you are in high school and have no job, in college with a part-time job and a full load of classes, or even a married adult with young children. There are many seasons of life that may not afford you the ability to give monetarily. During those times, I challenge you to really think outside the box and find ways to give to others in honor of what you have been given. Your time, your prayers, your thoughts, your words. All of these things can be used in amazing ways to spread the spirit of giving, of love, of Christ. God knows your heart, He knows your desires, He knows your spiritual gifts, and He can use you in powerful ways. May you look to Him and be used by Him during this season, and also throughout your life.

I love celebrating Christmas with each of you. I love seeing the joy on your face and in your eyes. And I love that you are so excited at 5, 3, and 1 about presents at Christmas. However, I pray that Christmas becomes so much more than that to you as you grow. May you truly see the birth of Jesus as a gift to each of you, and may you spread the joy that He brings you to those around you.

Thank you girls for teaching me. I hope to be able to write you more letters, more experiences, more lessons that I have learned. However, if I never say another thing, you will be fine. I know this for sure. God has you. He holds you in His hand and He has you. He loves you more than I ever could, and I believe with everything in me that you will be completely fine. However, I love sharing with you about you, about me, just as much as I love seeing the joy in your faces during this Christmas season.

I love you!
Mommy

Life Lessons: Beautiful

Although it was over 15 years ago, the emotions and feelings come flooding back like it all was happening yesterday. I vividly remember my questions, my sadness, my insecurities, and also my quiet confidence, my peace, my hope. As all of my friends were dating someone, I never was. As they all were shopping for homecoming dresses, cute shoes, prom dresses, a birthday gift for their boyfriend, I was at home. While they discussed where they would go to dinner, what they would do after prom was over, who's house was holding the breakfast on the morning after prom, I listened. I listened, pondered, questioned and hoped some more.

They would meet for dates, go see movies with their boyfriends, hold hands while we all went to a concert or to dinner and I would walk alone. They would share inside jokes, talk about their problems, meet between classes to share notes with their boyfriend and I would watch. They would receive flowers, share Valentine's Day together, and always had a date on New Year's Eve. I didn't.

It became very easy for me to question myself. What was it about me that was not attractive to the guys in high school? I was shy, awkward, introverted at times and quiet. I was mature beyond my years in some aspects and immature in others. I didn't have the cutest clothes, didn't wear much make-up, wasn't a cheerleader or on the dance team. I wasn't a flirt, was very reserved, and was perceived to be a little on the snobby side. I could look at myself in the mirror and come up with hundreds of reasons why I wasn't worthy of a boyfriend. And I believed it. I always hoped that someone would see what I couldn't see at that time. The good things. The things that were attractive, that were worth liking. I hoped that I would hold hands with someone at a concert one day, that I would be able to share Valentine's Day with a guy, buy him a birthday gift, shop for prom dresses. But for some reason, that just wasn't meant to be for me at that time in my life.

Looking back, maybe God was protecting me from something. Or maybe he was just giving me insight on what was important, what is important. Whether I had a boyfriend in high school or not didn't matter. If I went to homecoming, prom, or on a date one Friday night after a football game, it didn't matter. Those things don't define me as a person now and they didn't define me then. After all, what other people thought of me, what other guys thought of me did not define my self worth. I was and am only defined by the person God created me to be. I am created in His image. In His eyes, I am everything He desired me to be because He created me that way.

I want you to know and to believe with your whole heart that you are absolutely beautiful inside and out. You are everything God desired you to be. He doesn't make mistakes. If you have one best friend or ten, a boyfriend in high school or no boyfriend, if you go to prom or not, celebrate Valentine's Day with a boyfriend or with your best friend, if you get married or not, these things do not define you. Whether God calls you to be single or married, He will use you in mighty ways.

I believe so many people who are single and never marry believe that there is something wrong with them just as I believed about myself in high school. The truth is that they could not be more wrong. I could not have been more wrong. God had other plans and he used me in other peoples' lives during the times that I could have been dating. He called me to do something better, more fulfilling while preparing me for a life that I wouldn't trade for anything. I gained more life experience in high school and was more blessed by doing things most teenagers would never desire to do. And I don't have any regrets looking back. If God calls you to be single, I hope you will feel the same way. I hope that you will be used in mighty ways, and see yourself as the person God created you to be. See yourself through His eyes and believe those things with a full heart. Friends don't define you, boyfriends don't define you, marital status doesn't define you. Single or married, you are absolutely everything I hoped for. You are absolutely everything God hoped for. You are made in His image and He defines you. Look to Him for security, for self worth, for guidance and stand firm on all that He sees in you.

Thank you girls for teaching me. I hope to be able to write you more letters, more experiences, more lessons that I have learned. However, if I never say another thing, you will be fine. I know this for sure. God has you. He holds you in His hand and He has you. He loves you more than I ever could, and I believe with everything in me that you will be completely fine. However, I love sharing with you about you, about me, just as much as I love thinking about all the ways God will bless you in your future.

I love you!
Mommy

Life Lessons: God's Best

"I can remember praying for him as a little girl, and every morning before high school. I remember the day I met him and the moment I knew he was "the one." I remember him getting on one knee and me saying yes without hesitation as I knew he was the guy that I had been praying for for so long." ~ Mommy

Between now and the time you are old enough to get married, you will have many important decisions to make. What extracurricular activities will you be involved in? What college will you attend? Will you pledge a sorority? What will you major in? What career will you choose? There are so many options out there that will be available to you, and I believe all three of you will succeed in whatever you choose to do. However, one of the most important decisions you will make in life will be who you will marry. Who will be the man that you choose to stand by for the rest of your lifetime?

Since the time you were all three conceived, I have been praying for your husbands. I don't know who these precious boys are, but I know that they have been on my heart and prayed over since I found out about your precious lives. There are so many things that I pray for regarding each of your husbands. I pray that he would be a spiritual leader for your family. That he would truly have a heart for God and have Him as his first priority, and you second. I pray for his career. That God would guide him in the path he chooses and that he would have a passion for the job he has. I pray that he would be a supportive husband. That he would always be a soft place for you to fall and be your biggest cheerleader and advocate. I pray that he would be faithful. That he would never be overcome with temptation and would always stay true to his word and his vows. I pray that he would be an amazing father to your children. That he would love them, guide them, and encourage them each day to be the very best that they can be. I pray that he would be a leader. That he would look to his Heavenly Father for decisions and not the world around him. There are so many things that I pray for in your spouse, and I trust that God hears my prayers.

I will encourage you to begin praying for your husband as soon as you are old enough to understand that concept. I prayed for your Daddy for so many years. I really do remember praying for him before high school every morning. I had no idea who I was praying for, but I knew that I knew that I knew that he was out there and my prayers were being heard. I can honestly say that I believe the strength of my marriage with your Daddy is because of those prayers. He is amazing and truly is God's best for me. I love him with every ounce of my being, and I am honored that he chose me to be his wife. I hope that you will understand that feeling and that level of love one day too.

I will encourage you to wait. Wait for God's best for you. There will be so many men out there, and there may be several that would be good candidates for marriage. However, I want you to wait for God's best for you. You will wonder how you know if this man or that man is the one. I had those feelings too. However, once I met your Daddy, I knew without question, without any hesitation or reservation that he was the person I was supposed to be with. Did we go through trials and tribulations? Absolutely. Did we have to overcome some obstacles? You bet! But throughout our relationship, I always had a peace that we would be fine. You will know. You will have no reservations when he gets down on one knee if he is God's best for you.

I will encourage you to have independence, even when you become one together in marriage. Of course, I will encourage you to rely on your husband, to be there for him and support him, to love him unconditionally, but I also believe that it is imperative to have really great girlfriends that you can depend on, trust, talk to. Believe me, your Daddy hears about 50% of what I am saying when there is a football game on, especially if the conversation is about a cute dress I found at the mall. :). However, I can call a girlfriend and she will usually hear 100% of my words. You will need nights out, pedicures, coffee with a friend, a person to help you pick out a dress to wear to a special occasion. I hope that all three of you will be there for each other, but I also hope and pray that you will have real, honest, trustworthy, loving girlfriends that can support you and love you too. Your husband should be your second priority behind God, but he doesn't need to be who you rely on for everything.

Thank you girls for teaching me. I hope to be able to write you more letters, more experiences, more lessons that I have learned. However, if I never say another thing, you will be fine. I know this for sure. God has you. He holds you in His hand and He has you. He loves you more than I ever could, and I believe with everything in me that you will be completely fine. However, I love sharing with you about you, about me, just as much as I love praying for your husbands as I put my make-up on in the morning.

I love you!
Mommy

Life Lessons: Mommyhood

I know that all three of you will laugh at me for writing a letter to you about this subject right now. Afterall, you are only 5, 3 and 11 months. However, I wanted to write it while I am living in the moment, while I am experiencing these things on a daily basis.

One day, you will more than likely be given what I believe is the most important job of all. You won't get paid for doing it, it will absolutely exhaust you some days, you will feel like you are succeeding one minute and completely failing the next, you will never experience another job like it in your lifetime, you will be overwhelmed with emotion as you experience it....you will become a mommy.

If I wrote everything I have learned on this journey so far, I would be writing forever. The funny thing is I have only had this job for 5 years, 6 if you count pregnancy. I don't want to bore you with details, but instead focus on things that have been life lessons for me while being a mommy.

You are not perfect. You were not a perfect baby, you are not a perfect child, you will probably not be a perfect teenager, perfect girlfriend, perfect wife. Don't expect to be a perfect mommy. You will fail sometimes. I failed, my mom failed, my grandmother failed.....everyone makes mistakes. It is one of the greatest ways to grow and become stronger as a mommy. You make mistakes, you learn from them, and you discover ways to do things differently and more successfully. Embrace your mistakes, teach your children what you learned, pray when you aren't sure what the answers should be, pray when you think you do know the answers.

There are so many decisions that you will have to make regarding your children. During pregnancy you will have to choose a doctor, decide if you will exercise during pregnancy or not, if you will drink caffeine, whether you want an epidural during delivery or not. During the first year of your baby's life, you will have to decide if you want to breastfeed, if you want to vaccinate your child, what pediatrician you will use, if you will circumcise your little boy, whether you will work or stay home. As the baby grows, you will have to decide if you will send them to preschool, when you will potty train, how you will discipline them, what you will feed them, and on and on and on. A lifetime of decisions regarding your child begin the day you see a plus sign on the pregnancy test. No matter what, make a decision that you truly believe is best for you and your child and believe in it. Trust your gut instinct and go with it. Don't waiver, don't feel guilty, don't look around to see what other mommies are doing. You are strong, you are smart, you are completely capable of making decisions. Make them and believe in yourself. Remember that God chose you, YOU, to be your child's mommy. He created you with this job in mind. He has prepared you....believe that! Believe that with everything in you and be confident.

Be honest and real with other mommies. If you are having a bad day, don't be afraid to speak it. Other mommies need to hear it just as much as you need to say it. Everyone has bad days, yet so many people are embarrassed to admit that they were frustrated that they had to get up in the middle of the night with their newborn while their husband snored the night away, that their two year old has thrown 15 temper tantrums in 30 minutes, that their three year old screamed "NO!" at the grocery store when a stranger asked them a question, that they let their 4 year old watch tv all morning because they were too tired to do anything else with them. It is hard to share your weak moments, but they help strengthen you and others around you. The foundation of friendships should be built on honesty and truth. Be real! God can use you in powerful ways when you are real!

Embrace the great moments! Truly take them in and embrace them. Don't focus so much on big events such as birthday parties, the first days of school, the big vacations that you don't cherish the little baby feet that only stay small for what seems like a second, the laughter of your child when you tickle them, the conversations about a ladybug crawling on the back porch, the way your child pronounces a word in a way that only they can, the moments you dance together to music, or the snuggles they give you at just the right time. The everyday, simple, unimportant moments are some of the best. However, it is hard to see that in the midst of the chaos. And believe me, there will be chaos! If you have a moment when you see something you feel like you should embrace and you just don't feel it, you have no desire or energy to even give it a second thought....that, sweet girl, is ok! Don't feel guilty if something that should be special, cute, funny just isn't special, cute or funny at that moment. Everyone has those thoughts too!

Thank you girls for teaching me. I hope to be able to write you more letters, more experiences, more lessons that I have learned. However, if I never say another thing, you will be fine. I know this for sure. God has you. He holds you in His hand and He has you. He loves you more than I ever could, and I believe with everything in me that you will be completely fine. However, I love sharing with you about you, about me, just as much as I love listening to your stories about the butterfly in the backyard.

I love you!
Mommy