Winter Pictures

After our big day of bowling, we met our neighbor, Amelia, for her to take some pictures of the girls. She had contacted me and offered a mini winter session outside. She is so talented and I love her photography style, so we decided to take her up on the offer. She said to bring their winter hats and she would have some "hot chocolate" for pictures. Honestly, Justin and I weren't prepared to have our picture made, but she snapped a quick family photo while we were there too.

Their First Attempt at Bowling

A few weekends ago, we decided to take the girls bowling for their first time. Lainie always loves playing on the Wii, so we thought she would probably love it even more in person. :) They were so excited and had such a great time. We used the ramp so it was easier for them to knock some pins down. While the big girls bowled, Ellie was content to sit, watch and eat some popcorn! We will definitely be going again soon. Lainie has been asking to go back since we left.

Best Friends

These two girls are absolutely the best of friends. They love each other so much, and really do play really well together. Of course, they have their moments of frustration and selfishness, but really love each other well. I hope that they remain close as they grow, and eventually realize how fortunate they are to have each other. Of course, I know Ellie will become a very best friend to them and them to her as she grows. Sisters are the best!

The Storm

The sky slowly transitions from blue to grey, and the clouds become more present above. The trees begin to sway and dance as the wind blows through their branches. Wind chimes sing, waters ripple, and the air becomes thick and moist. A storm is coming. It is possibly one that has been predicted, or it might have come on suddenly, a surprise to those that feel its force. No matter how it comes, it leaves its mark. The wind and rain, who are sometimes peaceful and tranquil, are forceful and powerful this time. The lightning crashes, and immediately thunder strikes, not in the distance, but instead directly in front of us. It is loud, dark, strong, and destructive. To some, it brings anxiety, fear, hopelessness, doubt, for it is bigger than we are, more powerful than we are.

The winds die down, the thunder rolls off into the distance, the rain begins to stop, and the clouds glide through the sky. The sky goes from grey to blue, the wind chimes hang still. Where bright bolts of lightning were seen, there is now a golden ray of sunshine. However, there is aftermath of the storm. Trees lie on the ground, objects blown to their sides, puddles are pooled, and mud is smeared throughout the grass. Surprisingly, through the aftermath, we are able to see an amazing beauty that wasn't there before. Flowers are brighter in color, grass is greener in shade, the sky is a piercing shade of blue, the air is cool, crisp, and the landscape is picturesque. There is a clarity surrounding us that is new, fresh, clean, peaceful.

In life, when we are in the midst of a storm, it is very hard to feel protected, strong, fearless, powerful, for the storm is bigger than we are. The air around us is thick, there is a spirit of darkness that surrounds our souls, doubt begins to loom, and we are shaken to our core. In the midst of the storm, we often wonder how we will survive. Through the sheets of rain, the crashes of lightning, the pounding of thunder, can we be seen? Can we be heard? We lose sight of what is truth, what is possible, for we cannot see through the storm. Is there an end in sight? As the winds strengthen and the rain becomes spears in our sides, we begin to wilt. It is more than we can bear, more than we can handle. It leaves an aftermath.

Just as we are about to give up, something happens. Circumstances change, and the storm moves on. The air becomes clearer, the spirit of darkness turns into light, doubt becomes thankfulness, and we are again shaken to our core. Not because of fear, anxiety, or sadness, but instead because of amazement. The storm did not destroy us. It left an aftermath, but one that will be used for good. One that will change us, strengthen us, help others who will weather this storm. Even with the aftermath, the beauty that is seen in our cleansed souls is almost more than we can bear. For without the storm, this beauty would never have been seen. We have experienced a cleansing that cannot be brought about by us, but instead by circumstances that we have been called to experience.

He was with us through the storm. Not only was He with us, He protected us, walked with us, held us as we shook in fear, talked us through our doubt, strengthened us as we felt ourselves wilting. He was with us, and throughout the storm, was cleansing us. He washed our dirty souls, cleansed our minds, created a stronger, more faithful, more loving soul who was willing to get dirty again, was willing to brave another storm, a stronger storm. For after seeing His strength, His protection, and His cleansing, we realize that this storm was for our own good. It taught us things that we would not have learned otherwise. It strengthened us in ways that we didn't know were possible. And our new, cleansed self, although bruised and battered from the aftermath, will be ready to be used for His glory in ways that we could only have hoped for before. We are an image of His strength, His faithfulness, His love. We are beautiful.

A Little Update

Just thought I would do a little update on the girls. I haven't done one in awhile, and want to remember this time! It seems like time goes by and I forget to document the little things.

Lainie will be registering for the big year of Kindergarten next month. I honestly don't even know how that is possible. The sad thing about it is we held her back a year since she has a late birthday. Technically, she could have already started and for some reason, it is still shocking that Kindergarten is just around the corner.

She is doing really well in school. We will have a conference with her teachers in March sometime, but I definitely think she is ready for school. Her preschool has done an amazing job preparing her for what is to come next fall. She is starting to read books each week that her preschool sends home, and that has been really fun for her. She definitely recognizes words and names when she sees them.

Lainie is really funny, and has a mind like a steal trap. That girl does not forget a thing. Literally.....will NOT forget! We are always impressed with her memory. I definitely cannot take credit for her incredible memory, especially when I can't even remember what I wore yesterday. She can thank her Daddy for that trait. :)

She is a great big sister, but will often tell me that she doesn't want to have a sister when they don't do things her way. She can be quite bossy sometimes! She still tells me almost everyday that she is going to marry Graham. She also said that she wants to be a Mommy and have two kids. If one is a girl, she plans to name her AnnaBelle because she loves that name. When I asked her what she wants to be when she grows up, she said she wants to be a doctor. Lainie loves gymnastics, and will start soccer next month.

Emmie is just my little snuggle bug! That sweet little blondie loves affection, big squeezy hugs, and being snuggled. She is the first one to give a kiss or a hug and tell you everything will be ok. She is such a little love, and she melts my heart all of the time. Her compassion is very instinctive. She has the most genuine, sweet spirit, and is always looking out for others.

One thing that is interesting about Emmie is the fact that while she is, hands down, my biggest snuggler, she is also very headstrong and independent. When she gets her mind on something, there is nothing that will distract her from it. She loves shoes, lipstick, necklaces, bracelets, baby dolls, and stuffed animals. She is a little girlie girl who is very nurturing.

Emmie is still the loudest of the three girls. She cannot understand the concept of an inside voice to save her life. She still walks loudly, talks loudly, jumps loudly, etc. etc. I am constantly telling her to quiet down a bit. Emmie loves to ride her bike, play with her sisters, gymnastics, and really has started liking school.

Ellie is such a wild, spunky, life of the party kind of girl. Goodness gracious....her future scares me a little bit! Ha! She is just the funniest little thing. She is very petite still, but she makes up for her small stature with a BIG personality. I know I always describe her that way, but it has stayed true and just becomes more and more accurate the older she gets. She loves to be the center of attention, she loves to be with people, loves to make others laugh, and loves to throw a fit if you do something that she doesn't agree with.

Changing her diaper or clothes just infuriates her! She gets SO mad whenever it is time to do either. She still takes her shoes off at every chance she gets. My mom bought Ellie her first pair of Keds, so she has actually started wearing those when we leave the house. She is starting to get some hair on top of her head, so I will sneak a bow in there if I can. If she sees me do it, she will rip it out as soon as I get it clipped. She just reached 21 pounds, so I finally turned her carseat around. Justin and I quickly discovered that by turning her around, she was given the opportunity to see what we were eating or drinking in the front seat and throw a fit until we share with her.

She still isn't really talking, however, we definitely know when she wants something. She says "da" when she points to something. When she is upset and I pick her up, she immediately stops crying, points to something and says, "da." I think, in her mind, she thinks if she starts a conversation, I won't put her down. Ha! She says "dog" when she sees Riley, or when Riley barks. She waves bye-bye and says bye, gives high fives, and loves to lift her shirt up to show you her belly button. She knows that when I put her shoes on, we are leaving the house. As soon as I put her shoes on, she will say bye-bye. When she takes a bite of her food, she immediately says, "mmmmmmmmmmm!" When she drinks her milk, she will say, "Ahhhhhhh!" after she takes a sip. She is a very, very picky eater, but will rarely turn down carbs. She loves babies, and thinks her little cousin, Creed, is pretty special!
She still spits with her tongue to be funny. If she starts taking her shoes off and I say something to her, she laughs. She just thinks she is the funniest thing. She has started dancing and clapping to music, blowing kisses, and doesn't miss a trick. Justin is constantly telling me how smart she is! :)

It Just Is

One day, you will feel God tugging on your heart about something, and you won't really know what it is, why He is tugging at your heart, or how He plans to use what He is guiding you towards. That is where I sit tonight as I write this. For about a month or so, I have had this tugging at my heart that I know is God. I can't explain it, because to explain it would make it too life like, too human like, too simple. It is bigger than that. It is stronger than that. It just is.

For the past year, I have realized that I struggle with insecurity more that I ever have before. This might surprise some people because I can come across as a very strong, independent, confident person. For the most part, I do believe in myself and feel as though I am a pretty level-headed person. Many of my friends say I am very even-keeled. I am never really up or really down. I do believe that over the past few years, I have lost some of that confidence, some of that strength, and a lot of that security.

Honestly, I think the insecurity stems from the fact that I love too much. I don't want to mess up. I want to do everything I can to make my girls happy, to teach them, to instill values within them, to prepare them for what is ahead. I want the very best for all three of my girls. I want to be a great listener for my friends, a great supporter, an encourager, a person who is trustworthy. I want to be a loving wife, a friend to my husband, an encourager for him and his number one fan. I want my parents, my siblings to know how deeply they are loved. In that place of loving others deeply, I often find myself looking at others to see how they are raising their children, what decisions they are making, what type of friend they are, wife they are, and mother they are. How are they showing their love? Are they doing it the way I do, or are they doing it differently?

I recently discovered that in order to gain security within myself, I would criticize those around me when they loved others differently than I did. I might not speak my criticism, I might not voice it out loud, but I would think it. I would analyze them, analyze their decisions, critique their every move. Through those thoughts and perceptions, I found that I was no longer loving them well at all. In fact, I was doing the exact opposite of loving them well. I was judging them. I was criticizing them, and in the process, I was alienating myself from everything that was wonderful about them. Satan used my desire to love others well to create a very bitter, insecure, judgmental heart.

Slowly, God has shown me that He wants more for me than that. I cannot possibly love anyone perfectly because I am not perfect. I cannot possibly be a perfect, loving wife, daughter, sister, friend or mother all the time because I am a sinner. I am flawed. However, even though I am flawed, God can shine through me and use me in other peoples' lives. I have come to a place where I can see that now. I can see that I need Him to love others well. I don't need to look around me to learn how to do that. I need to look to Him. In doing that, my heart slowly has become less critical, less judgmental, less bitter, less insecure.

This is the journey I am on. This is why I love to write. Through my writing, I have realized that I want more for myself, more for my family and friends. I want to love others deeply, but I want them to see Christ's love shine from within me, not my love. My love is imperfect, ugly, sinful, but Christ's love is perfect. I hope that Christ can use me to be a great mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend. And I hope that those around me will see that it isn't me that is loving them well at all. It is so much more than that. It just is.

Two Things

First, it was an absolutely amazing day today! We took the girls to the park and let them ride their bikes, and then went to play on the playground. Afterwards, we all went to get ice cream. The weather was perfect, and we had such a great time!

Lainie and Emmie love to ride their bikes. I think the entire loop around the park was 1 mile, and they rode their bikes the entire way. I was actually impressed because I thought they might get tired.

And of course, we cannot forget about this little cutie! She rode in the stroller and then enjoyed the swings. She also enjoyed running around the parks, picking up rocks and trying to eat them. :) A day in the life......

Second, as you can see, I have added the followers link on my blog (to the right!) Feel free to click on it so I know who follows. I have recently realized that I really enjoy writing. It all started when I began writing the "Life Lessons" letters to my girls. I honestly came up with the idea one day and thought it would be fun to write little thoughts to them along the way as we raise them. While doing that, I realized that I actually love to write. It is very relaxing and therapeutic for me.

All of that being said, I just wanted to know if what I wrote would interest other people. It is hard to know who is really reading my blog since I have not had a followers link. I have been contemplating starting another blog where I write more, but have decided just to write here when ideas come to me and then see where it goes from there. Please feel free to let me know what you think. :) I guess I have to start somewhere, right? Any feedback would be appreciated!

Life Lessons: Friendships

It was my eighth grade year. I was tall, skinny, had grown 4 inches within the year, had permed hair that was fried to the scalp, and I was lonely. My best friend had just moved 4 hours away, and I felt like I was starting over in the friendship category. The friends that I had growing up through elementary school had, for the most part, headed down a path that I was not willing to take. There were talks of boyfriends, and smoking, and drinking and such. There were words spoken that I had been taught not to say. There were decisions made that I was not comfortable with. I knew that I didn't belong in that group anymore. The other group of friends that I had just met at church were a year younger than me. Sure, we were attending the same school, but I felt like we were living in different worlds as the two grades never intertwined. I saw those friends when I attended youth group, and on the weekends when we would get together, but hardly even knew they existed while at school.

I remember vividly sitting in Mrs. McClain's science class. I began to feel something in my hair. A strange sensation and one I knew wasn't right. I turned around and realized that the girl behind me, who I would have loved to be friends with at the time, was throwing little pieces of paper in my hair. It was a harmless act really, but one that devastated me in the process. It was mean, and she thought it was funny. She was best friends then with my best friend growing up. She had the cutest clothes, shoes to match every outfit, the perfect hair. She was cute, spunky, and fun loving. And she always was writing notes to all of her friends as she sat behind me, especially her best friend. I despised science class. I felt very alone in every class, but I felt especially alone in that one. I wanted to have a friend who would write me notes, who would call me her best friend, who would talk to me and laugh out of love instead of out of bullying. For some reason, sitting in front of her consistently slapped my new reality in my face on a daily basis, and I dreaded it.

In time, I would meet new friends. I would be introduced to people who I still call friends today. However, at that time, I felt like I would never get there. I felt like I would never fit in. I wasn't pretty enough, funny enough, popular enough, athletic enough, and I certainly didn't have the wardrobe that I needed to be liked. At the time, I remember looking out the windows of the library feeling envious for the cars that drove by. I just wanted freedom from what I was living on a daily basis.

I hope that each of you always has friends that you love and that love you too. I hope that you have someone that you can call on if you ever need them. However, as I look back at my eighth grade year, I realize what a HUGE year that was for me. It was literally a fork in the road of my life. I could have just as easily headed down a path of destruction with my former friends as sit there alone. I could have taken off to the woods when a friend came and asked me to join her there in order to smoke. It was so hard to say no, because I knew if I did, I would be saying no to friendships as well. I wanted friendships so badly, but I wasn't willing to be someone that I wasn't to have them. I didn't want to settle to be liked.

It was probably the hardest year of my life. I was miserable, and I never looked forward to going to school. School meant rejection. School meant getting picked on. School meant sitting alone in the gym waiting on the bell to ring. However, it was one of the most important years of my life. It was the year that I really began to understand who Jesus was. I began to cling to Him during my loneliness instead of other people. It was the year that I gained the strength to stand up for myself, for what I believed in, and for what God had created me to be. My relationship with Him grew that year in ways that it never had before. I began to understand that life wasn't about being popular, or being the prettiest, or having the cutest clothes. There was so much more to it than that.

As your Mommy, I hope that you never feel as alone as I did during that time. I hope that you always have friends who stand by your side and share the same values that you do. I hope that you can find friends who love you for who you are, who encourage you to be the person God intended you to be, and support you in your faith. But, if for some reason, you find yourself sitting in the gym alone waiting on the bell to ring, I hope you know that you are beautiful. You are loved. You are cherished. You are the King of King's daughter, and you, sweet girl, are His masterpiece. Stand strong for what you believe in. You will look back and realize it was the best decision you could have made. Don't settle for something that will only end up being temporary. Don't settle for something that will possibly be destructive. You are worth way more than that.

Thank you girls for teaching me. I hope to be able to write you more letters, more experiences, more lessons that I have learned. However, if I never say another thing, you will be fine. I know this for sure. God has you. He holds you in His hand and He has you. He loves you more than I ever could, and I believe with everything in me that you will be completely fine. However, I love sharing with you about you, about me, just as much as I love seeing how God used one of the loneliest times in my life to develop a deep, very real, life-changing relationship with Him.

Our Valentines

It is sad that I am just getting around to posting about Valentine's Day, but that is my life these days. I really want to get more consistent with posting. Maybe that should be a new goal of mine. :)

Justin and I gave the girls their Valentines that morning before they went to school. They were so excited! And just a little sidenote: my girls love dinosaurs, trains, etc. as much as they love their babies, princesses, and girlie things. We try to incorporate a little of each with their gifts since there are no brothers around here. :)

Lainie and Emmie both had parties at school that day, so I went to both to help them celebrate. Emmie had a cute, little breakfast with her class, and Lainie had an ice cream party that afternoon. Both girls got super cute Valentines and lots of candy.


After the girls got home from school, our doorbell rang and there were the most beautiful flowers, candy and a cute little bear waiting on us from Justin/Daddy. Tulips are my favorite flower, so I absolutely loved them! Emmie has said several times, "Daddy, thank you for our flowers and bear." She is such a little love! :)

Uncle Bennie sent the sweetest box full of Valentine goodies too, and I got a video of the girls opening everything. However, it won't download for some reason. :( They were SO excited, Uncle Ben! We will have to show it to you the next time you visit.